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This makes me so mad, I wrote a blog post.

The death of Mollie Tibbetts was incredibly tragic and sad. But politicizing it makes it so much worse. It’s not about the citizenship status of her murderer, it’s about women not being able to run, walk or do much of anything alone without facing some kind of risk. Last year, three women were murdered while running within a nine-day period, all in different parts of the country. These deaths were not widely publicized outside of the running community, and I doubt there were any headlines that read, “Runner murdered by American Citizen.” This article from Runner’s World came out after those events a year ago. If the anecdotes from women runners aren’t enough, the stats at the bottom, which show responses to survey questions about safety and harassment while running, and compares answers from men and women runners, speaks volumes.

There’s also a lot of discussion about this topic right now in the running groups I’m in. One thread started with a female runner asking others what they do to ensure safety while running. All 35 (so far) responses are from women, and one woman posted the nine things she does on every single run to ensure safety, avoid harassment, be easily identified if something happens to her, etc. How many male runners do NINE things before every run just to ensure they can either defend themselves or get help in the best case scenario or have their body easily identified in the worst case scenario?

Immigrants are not the problem here. Toxic masculinity is the problem. 

PS – Yep, it’s been 2+ years since I’ve posted. This is that important.

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Cheers to a guilt-free 2016! (LOL, J/K!)

It’s 2016 and I have a 10-month-old! He is freakin adorable and generally incredibly happy and healthy. He crawls, he eats an amazing amount of solids (yay baby led weaning) and he’s quite the social butterfly. But holy crap, the issues/concerns/guilt/worry just never stops, does it? This is going to be going on until he’s 40, right?

In between the smiles, cuddles and giggles, here’s a rundown of our last month or so, in rough chronological order –

November

  • Extreme drop in my milk supply, which means an extra pumping session for me (3-4 times per day at work plus at night before I go to bed – In addition to me going to nurse him at daycare every day on my lunch break).
  • Constant battle of distraction/fussiness during lunch nursing sessions.
  • Double ear infection right before Thanksgiving.

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The One Thing You Should Say To A New Mom

Wherever we stand as mothers and our working/child raising situation, we all have haters. People who assume things about what we do and why we do it, and who judge our situations even if they don’t intend to do so. These viewpoints are so outdated and divisive that I can’t even believe there are people who really think these things, but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised anymore when it comes to people still believing ridiculous and archaic things.

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Just because I work full time, doesn’t mean I’m not a full-time mom.

I wrote this post about a month ago and was a little conflicted about sharing it. But here goes. It’s kind of ranty, but that’s how I was feeling at the time.

A good friend (single, no-children, male) recently asked me if I was “still doing the full-time mom thing” or if I’d gone back to work. My immediate response was, “Yes.” Yes, I’ve been back at the office for several months now. And, yes, I’m also a full-time mom. Then I started thinking about the language that is used to describe moms and motherhood. Stay At Home Mom. Work At Home Mom. Working Mom. Part Time Working Mom. Full Time Working Mom. There are probably other labels that I don’t even know about. What do you call a mom who owns her own business that has always been run out of her home, and still does that now, with a baby to care for? What about an artist who creates in an in-home studio, and also has two kids at home most days? There are so many different situations and scenarios for families and mothers and childcare, it’s kind of ridiculous to have labels for everything. And what do all of these women have in common? They are ALL full-time moms!!!! However, this label seems to be reserved for moms who stay at home (working or not) and have their children at home (not in daycare).

Now, I know he meant to distinguish between staying at home vs. working outside of the office, but as someone who pays attention to language and words and semantics a lot, that kind of hit home for me, and got me thinking about the words we use to talk about motherhood.

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Breastfeeding won’t make you skinny (and other postpartum pains)

One of the many, many things women are told when they’re pregnant is that breastfeeding will make you skinny. “It literally melts your fat away!” “Your baby will suck you right back down to your pre-pregnancy weight!” Sounds great! Sign me up! What they don’t tell you is that for as long as you breastfeed, your body will basically stay “soft,” no matter how much you work out. Something to do with the hormones and oxytocin or something. Which is fine, as even at my smallest, I never had 6-pack abs anyway, so whatevs.

I also was constantly told that being in good shape before pregnancy, and keeping up working out as long as I did would help me soo much during childbirth and recovery, and would make me “bounce back” super fast after having the baby. That was so encouraging, and I totally believed it!

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I just had a baby – now how the f*** do I dress myself?

Well, I’ve been feeling pretty guilty lately about not writing in over a month. I have no excuses. There have been so many things I’ve wanted to write about, but as I start forming brilliant ideas for relevant, funny and insightful posts (at least they are all of those things in my head!), I start to get overwhelmed thinking about the time it will take me to write, and then edit my always-too-long thoughts. Then I think about how I haven’t done anything cool with the layout of this blog, or even added photos…. and so I just do nothing.

But anyway, here I am. With the changing weather and the necessity to start digging into clothing for a new season, I want to revisit this topic I jotted down a long time ago and saved to write about later…

How To Dress Yourself After Having A Baby

Congratulations! You had a baby! You spent the last 9 months constantly adjusting your wardrobe to fit your growing belly, and boobs, and feet. You figured out what shoes you can wear every single day without having to bend down to put them on or tie any laces. You discovered 5 million different ways to wear maternity leggings. Now you’re done with all of that! You have a baby! You now can go back to wearing all of your cute and familiar pre-pregnancy clothes and not have to worry about anything except for cuddling with your sweet baby who sleeps 12 hours a night and never cries!

Wait, that’s not right.

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Do I have to feel guilty to be a good mom?

So apparently this whole guilt thing doesn’t get any better as kids get older. When I went out Saturday night, I was talking about mom guilt with a friend, one of the other band wives, who is a parent of three daughters ranging in age from college to 6th grade. She touched on some of the things she felt guilty about when her kids were younger, and things she still feels guilty about today… even though her oldest is away at college and is doing her own very adult thing. THERE’S STILL MOM GUILT WHEN THEY GO TO COLLEGE! While that may not be comforting at all, at least I know that I’m not alone. Mamas, you are NOT alone in your guilt!

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Guilty mom goes out on the town…

Oh, man. What a weekend! We had a babysitter lined up for both Friday and Saturday nights – two nights out in a row, y’all! It was also the first time we’ve had a paid babysitter, someone other than our parents or good friends. After last weekend’s guilt- and anxiety-inducing trip ended up being totally fine (Baby J was asleep before 7 and didn’t wake until well after we returned), I thought leaving him for a few hours after bedtime to go less than 10 minutes away would be a breeze. And on Friday night, it was. He was asleep about half an hour before the sitter got there, we were out until midnight, and he didn’t wake up until nearly 6 a.m. We had an awesome time at a show at one of our favorite places in town to see live music, and we saw some friends we hadn’t seen in ages, and it was revitalizing for both of us.

Last night, Saturday, was a bit more difficult. Will was playing a show in the neighborhood, so he left earlier. Our bedtime feeding, which normally is peaceful and drowsy, was not so. Baby J was fussy and didn’t get a full feeding on both sides. I eventually put him down, and he was awake in his crib without crying for about 20 minutes, then the crying started. Now, for the last month or so, 95% of the time he is able to put himself to sleep without crying. Every now and then, he’ll have a random night where he cries for a bit, but I’ve always been there. Last night, he didn’t put himself to sleep in 10 minutes. The sitter came about 15 minutes into the crying, and I decided to try feeding him again. He nursed for about 20 minutes on one side (definitely a full feeding) and I put him back down. He was still crying. I was so torn.

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5 ways to disguise your pregnancy in the first trimester

I have a few friends who are currently pregnant. A couple of them are beyond the point of keeping it a secret, but one is newly so, and I am SO FREAKIN’ EXCITED I just can’t stand it. Anyhow, recently a couple of other moms and I were talking to one pregnant friend about how to be discreet in that first trimester, or however long you’re waiting to share your news.

I thought I was fairly discreet by just casually not drinking in those early weeks, but apparently many of my friends were suspicious… “We knew something was up when YOU weren’t drinking!” Gee, thanks! I mean, I know I live in beer city, and my girlfriends and I have been known to enjoy the occasional wine night, but was it really that unusual for me to decline an adult beverage?!? To be fair, most of our friends did know that we were trying to conceive, so they had reason to be be wary.

This shot was taken just a few days after we found out that I was pregnant. Shhhhh!

This shot was taken just a few days after we found out that I was pregnant. Shhhhh!

There are a few things you can do if you’re pregnant and you find yourself in a situation where you’d normally have a drink or two, like a holiday, concert, party, work function or just a normal afternoon at a local brewery. I did most of these when I was pregnant at one time or another, as we waited quite a bit beyond our first trimester to make it totally public, though at some point we started gradually telling close friends as we saw them. We made sure to tell those who know early that it wasn’t “Facebook official” yet, as there were people we wanted to tell in person or by phone, in a more personal way than finding out from a friend of a friend’s post that they tagged us in or something.

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Stop skinny-shaming my baby!

Everybody LOVES fat babies.

“Fat rolls for days!” 

“95th percentile at 2 weeks!”

“Wearing 9 mo. clothes at 2 months!”

“That kid loves his mama’s milk!”

And so on. These are things that parents of chunky babies brag about online, and I don’t disagree that pudgy babies are pretty dang adorable. I mean, those cheeks! Those thighs! Those bellies! You really do get why people “just want to eat them up!” I haven’t really noticed moms of skinny babies bragging about percentile stats and clothing sizes, but in my experience parents of skinny babies do hear a lot from other people; from strangers to lactation consultants to pediatricians. (We are very lucky that our pediatrician has never said these things to us. She has been totally supportive and amazing and does not at all make me feel like a failure!) As the mom of a skinny baby with some minor to moderate breastfeeding challenges, here’s what I’ve heard:

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